and she's this much right when she says that ive lost some of me.
to this mainstreamness.
we all enjoy feeling elitist do we not?
that feeling shared with geppers,
we're intellectual, different, not casted from the same mould, if there even is a mould
more like free-form, transformed by raw energy, elements around.

but its true
that some geppers are slowly fading
they dont shine forever like stars when the sky's all dark
some stars just fade...
slowly, unaware, quietly
into the darkness to blend with the rest of nothingness out there.
pls shaoning
retain who you are, what you are, what you think.
and you dont ahve to try to fit into this class of yours
cos you wont, and we both know it, you wont
how ever much small talk there is taking place things dont feel teh same
i dont feel comfortable
to deny that part of me
to criticise, to be intelligent, to use my wit.
i want to, but there's no one to engage in sharp provocative talk with.
maybe kenneth, sua, benji.
the geppers in choir are keeping me sane.
and julian, sometimes terence.
always val.
i want to talk beyond just talk, y'know?
to go into issues, use my head and think, evaluate, criticise, deconstructing arguments.
not bundled up in this package to please
dont do that shaoning.
i hate constantly reminding you of this to maintain that edge.

which is why i end up smirking at adora
and her oh im so proud of my bro he did great
typicality being proud of kenneth and all, he's not your brother, girl.
which is why i end up engaging in conversations with certain people
because they open up a different side of me
i wont ever be able to talk to janice, or yayan this way.
remove your packaging of words, of image.
i can only talk to you if you show me you

i guess what i crave
is this rarity called sincerity and genuinity
unpretentious self.